I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
