i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
