i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
