Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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