I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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