Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
