My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
