my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
