well I can't set my house on fire every night
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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