Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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