dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
