I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
