Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
