I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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