Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
