VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
