At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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