the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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