Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
