His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
