I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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