Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
