I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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