i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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