Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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