pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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