i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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