His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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