Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
