i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
