I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
