i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
