I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
