You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
