There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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