I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
