Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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