he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
