ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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