just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
In other news, I just burned my penis
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
