I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
