he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
