i barfeds in our rink
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
