I'm gonna have a badass scar
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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