I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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