the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
