that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
