and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I looked at my own cervix.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
