hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
