a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
