conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
