i permit you to call me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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