There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
