im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
